The Last Phase: Part one

I have this huge lump in my throat at this point of time, Facebook has this whole thing for a ‘life event’ and I think I’m going to enter my first one in the life events column. I’m probably going to be typing mixed up sentences but this occasion is really heartfelt, not only for me but all my school friends, everyone who just went through their last phase in schooling. I cannot get myself to believe I’m done with schooling, it’s like my relationship with my school has just come to an end in just one go. And now we enter the real world, where there wouldn’t be teachers to hold our hands and make us climb the rocky mountain but it’s going to be us all by ourselves in this cold and selfish world. 

This school has taught me a lot (I was kinda hoping for a question on what the school has taught me as a part of my viva for student of the year). It has taught me that success and failure is a part of our lives, winning isn’t everything and losing does not mean the world has come to an end. Neither success nor failure is permanent; both being short-lived should be cherished and then let gone off. It has taught me that criticism is healthy, accept it! Some people say it to drag you down the ladder but use it to climb higher from where you already are. I honestly dread getting up early in the morning for school, but I’m going to miss the school prayer, how can I forget that awful music they play in the morning before assembly begins? The national anthems we sang every Thursday, the school song, the pledge and all of those other things our assembly consists of. I’m going to miss preparing dances for talents day, house day and every other event. I remember how back in the junior grades all of us used to be like, last day in school and then end up in school for the next year but this time, we’re actually saying last day of school because it’s practically the last day in school, EVER. (Oh crap, words are stinging me.) I really believe that all of us are definitely student of the year! With the trophy or without. (This should have been in my speech...)

We’re all literally like a family, we know everything about each other even if we don’t talk to each other and still we’re there for each other. I’m going to miss random checking, I’m going to miss dancing and singing like a freaking maniac in the recess. I’m going to miss being on the lawns of IHS performing for republic day or putting up a stall. I’m going to miss going to the staff room for some work and then ending up with more work. I’m going to miss the three bells we hear after recess and still being outside class. I’m going to miss the canteen samosas, kachoris, pizza’s and chocolate milk. I’m going to miss asking for money to eat in the canteen from practically everyone outside the canteen. I’m going to miss fighting in class over the ridiculous things and the next day forgetting everything like nothing ever happened. I’m definitely going to miss teaching the class and making presentations and talking and then the teachers asking me to shut up, lol. Wow, that’s a lot. 

My lovely juniors did such a wonderful job on the farewell we had, everyone had tears that’s when I actually realized like realization dawned upon me, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I’M WEARING A SAREE! The last time I need to go shopping for a saree, the last time ever I’m going to be all decked up. They say nothing’s forever and it has been justified. In the last two years as the senior most students, I have learned so much. I just want everyone to know, never ever be upset over anything, it’s not worth it! Always be optimistic, if a situation seems to be the worse ever too, find the optimism in it, find the joy in it. I’m going to miss the bus parties, celebrating birthdays in school, the medical checkups, screaming in class when the nurse comes to call us for vaccinations.

A huge shout out to all my teachers, chachas, all the aunties, my supervisors throughout my school life, my teachers who have been the best, always so caring so supportive, always been so motivating, for never losing faith in me ever! And last but definitely not the least, my friends all of them, the ones who are still on bitter notes with me, the ones I do not talk to anymore, the ones I spend almost every day with, all of you guys are the best! I literally have no idea how to put in words how much all of this means to me.

This is probably just part one of this blog post, I’m going to have tons more to right about after convocation so until then…

Cycle of thoughts

There's more to it than what actually meets the eye, a sentence probably of least importance to many of us but so powerful in all it's words. What's meant to be, is meant to be but what isn't meant to be, wouldn't happen, irrespective of our thousand efforts. I'm probably not even talking to the point, what's all this jumbled sentences that don't even co relate to one another? Just my thoughts all in a confused state spinning in my head. (Lol?). Anyway getting back to what I was saying, sometimes you seek attention from the one you like/love, your family, but their just not giving you it. Oh you know, I'm telling you what's wrong, like putting it all in front of you, for you to open your God damn eyes and see, but you're just not taking it! What a feeling that is indeed. (Please note the horrible amount of sarcasm in the preceding sentence, thanks.)

Undoubtedly I use his platform to vent my mixed feelings. When you spend a lot of time with a person, you eventually can judge whether they're genuinely beautiful or not and by beautiful I do not mean looks. At that point of time, you know whether the person really is beautiful or not. There's more to the world than just looks, otherwise no one would give a single damn about losing faith in humanity now would they? There's more to life than mini skirts, getting drunk, partying, bitching, making fun of others, beauty pageants. Because when you grow old, your looks are going to disappear eventually (unless you get a plastic surgery done, then again there's recession).

Someone would be sitting and crying for you to notice them and you don't even know about it, but you the one whose crying is too scared to even let open your feelings. So what exactly are you crying for? Is it that person fault that he/she doesn't notice you? It isn't love, it isn't, the person doesn't even know you're wasting your time on them. A lot of people think I'm pretty jobless, as they put it, to sit and construct a blog post, I for a matter of fact get that quite a lot, but not like it's affecting their lives is it? I'm not wasting your time, I'm wasting my own time. You probably make fun of what I write, think it's not worth your time to sit around and read a bunch of crap sentences, so don't. Am I forcefully asking you to do so?

And I would like to close by quoting something that will always remain with me, as John Green put it in his book 'Looking For Alaska'. "What is an "instant" death anyway? How long is an instant? Is it one second? Ten? The pain of those seconds must have been awful as her heart burst and her lungs collapsed and there was no air and no blood to her brain and only raw panic. What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding an hour. I doubt that an instant of blinding pain feels particularly instantaneous.” Does not relate to anything I've said about, but definitely has a lot of significance.

Stupidity.

Been long since I wrote something….

How is it that people are SO concerned about other people’s life, I mean why do you care about what’s happening in someone else’s life, why can you not just take care of your own shit for once. Sometimes people say things they don’t mean and sometimes they say thing that can really affect another person. Have you ever been through such a time where you feel so broken, so broken that you really don’t know what to do anymore? You know, that time when you’re telling yourself it’s going to be okay, it’s going to come to an end soon, the bad times that is, but you’re really unsure about when that time is going to come and that’s when you don’t know what to do. You’re surrounded by a lot of good people, good friends, a wonderful family, you want to communicate, let it all out but you don’t know how to. It’s like you’re in a freaking invisible box, no one else can see it, except for you and thus you cannot even ask for help. It’s similar to people who don’t know how to swim, you’re drowning, there is absolutely no one in the water except for you and it’s isolated, what to do? Can you ask for help? Screaming your lungs out to a place where there is no one is possibly the only thing you’re doing, but is it getting you somewhere? Is it creating a difference? No, not at all. 

Sometimes I wonder to myself, how is it that people can be so mean, so harsh. They don’t even think before speaking and then I tell myself, at one point of time, all this that you’re going through because of someone else, will come crashing down on them too, karma at its finest eh?

No one in this world is brave. No one in this world has the courage to speak the truth on other people’s face and thus they use anonymous questions and answer platforms to speak the harsh things, but while doing all of this my friend, do you realize HOW MUCH you’re hurting someone? I keep telling myself or rather everyone around me, be strong! Do not care about what other people say, people are going to talk. All that matters is what your closed ones think about you, but honestly who listens? I’m such a hypocrite myself, I tell other people to be strong, am I doing the same thing? I know my answer. We’re all hypocrites honestly, giving other people such damn good advice, but when it comes to following it ourselves, we never stick to our words (Get some fevicol in here, would you?)

Please excuse me for typos, thanks.