I COMPLETED TWO YEARS!

Time passes by so quickly doesn't it? I mean I still remember writing by blog post on my one year completion and here I am typing the second year post. Wow, two years of being able to express myself over a platform where I don't know anyone who is reading, okay I probably do know some of them but you get my point. So I kinda completed two years on 10th of March, and this post is so long overdue, but cbse is too blame.

My last year's post was all about how I'm thankful to you all for what I have achieved, where have I reached, how I developed as a writer overall, but this year I plan on doing something different. Oh well, no thank yous to all of you. But to whoever who hasn't read my one year post, do so before you read this one http://arohib.blogspot.ae/2013/03/one-year.html (that's the link, go ahead!)

So this year I want to do a little a 'picture says a thousand words'. I post a few pictures really dear to me and tell you the inside to it.

This picture marks the day I graduated from school, just like that 14 years got over. At this point of time, I had really mixed emotions in my head. Holding candles, hoping that no one burns my hair or I don’t burn anyone’s. I had a huge lump in my throat, the feeling of not going to be setting an alarm to get up anymore was filling me, and it was like emptiness engulfed me completely.

Everything about this quote gets me, everytime I read it; I say woah in the back of my head. Although you cannot do without presentations and studying in 12^th grade, this quote really does make a lot of sense. Definitely makes the top of my favorite quotations chart. Every time someone gets so involved in making these presentations and stuff, you know back in school days, I used to say this and just to let you guys know, most of the time it was me, with the presentations and stuff, ironic isn’t it?

I was in the taxi going to school when I kinda decided I wanted to go back home, I don’t know why I had a really sick feeling in my stomach, something did not want me to go to school but all that aside I did go to school in a sari which I was so scared was going to come open but I got through. Heels, sari, jhumkas not my thing, but here I am typing it which means I really did get through the day.

This kinda defines me. I mostly write when I’m like really annoyed and something has really gotten on my nerves. When I know I have no one to talk to, or I’m sure I sound really silly, I blog it. And don’t worry, with blogging, comes a hell load of criticism, which I accept openly. That logo took me ages to make by the way, I just couldn’t get the right size to fit on the damn page and then I had to search like twenty billion sites to combine all these elements without being able to pay for it, such a pain I tell you. (Sorry for the exaggeration, but you get my point)

Do you notice those blue color sashes? I burnt my hand so many times while burning the edges and whoever thought it was going to such a pain to write on them. The point is, these people defined the last two years of my life. Right from eating in class almost everytime the teacher turned or not to being there for each  other, we’ve done it. If someone asked me the best memory I had with them, I’d say this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zmU7k5YRUQ anyday! The torture I put them through and the faces they’ve made through it all, very hilarious lol.

I genuinely look forward to more years of blogging and not posting regularly.

I want to be in that uniform again, I guess.

As much as a part of me does not want to get back in a uniform (referring to the school one, just saying), a huge part of me does. Walking down the streets of Bur Dubai around 7:30pm, I see these juniors in the gray uniforms we once wore and kinda realized they have it the easy way, you know? I mean let’s think about this for a second, who do we have now to constantly nag us about doing better? Frankly speaking, I’m so paranoid with this whole college phase and stepping into a completely new environment with absolutely no freaking clue about what’s happening around me, it’s freaky you know.

I think school made me feel secure, like I knew what I was doing and now that I’m out of school, baam! I don’t know what to do. It’s like a tortoise. He feels so secure in his shell, it’s his home, he knows he can’t lose that ish for nuts, but when he does, how is he going to survive? We are that little tortoise, I’m guessing.

At this point of time in my life, I wouldn’t mind going back to school at all. I wouldn’t mind getting up as early as 6am just to go to school honestly. At this point of time I’d do anything to be a high school student again. 

I feel so empty and I don’t know what to do about it. Forgive me for rambling on and on, I just need to at this point. How many of you have that shit feeling of results being just round the corner? I do. I mean we have been bought up with the whole ‘CBSE 12^TH GRADE, IMPORTANT YEAR OF YOUR LIFE, YOU BETTER GET AMAZING MARKS’ lecture and now that we’re done and awaiting these results to be declared, I’m freaking out. The more nearer we get to the end of May, the more scarier it gets. We all are aware of the fact that boards aren’t really predictable, anything can happen and I loathe that feeling, literally.

To sum it all up, if you are a junior and reading this rant, or managed to read till the end of this (lol), give it your best shot! You only get one chance at it and that’s it, that is the scary part but if all your seniors could do it, so could you, it just takes a lot of hard work and a truck load of faith, and I mean it!

The Last Phase: Part Two

We often cling on to something when we know we're going to lose it soon enough. I believe most of us feel that way since it’s all over now. Yup, the tassel's been turned. We're officially high school graduates and it doesn't even feel that way. And just like that we're done with school. All of us might have had our ups and downs, some really bitter moments in school, but the whole point I'm trying to make is let it all go! I take this moment, to apologize to all those people I've argued with over various things. I don't want to hold any grudges while leaving and that's what I'm going to do. Nothing last forever and just like 14 years passed by, I don't even know how it went by. I want to hold on forever but I can't, I need to let go because it is already over.

I think a whole part of me is really happy that we’re finally high school graduates and that I did not have the urge to drop out even once during these 14 years but there is a whole huge part of me that submerges the above part because let’s face it, I’m going to miss school. The school which molded us into what we are today, the school that gave us so much, we're leaving that all behind and entering a world full of shit, honestly. I really don’t have any words to express how much I’m going to miss all of this, mostly how much yesterday meant to me (Convocation, I mean for those of you don’t know what I am referring to.) I couldn’t have asked for a better day than yesterday. In a word if I had to summarize yesterday, breathtaking, yup that’s the word and I’m sure everyone would agree to me on that one.  

Back then I had goose bumps being there, a part of the ceremony and now I have goose bumps typing this.  I’m going to miss singing in the bus like a maniac, not allowing my fellow bus mates to sleep in the morning or in the afternoon. I’m going to miss being able to connect to the IHS Wi-fi swinging my hand from left to right high in the air in an attempt to get network in class. I’m going to miss the fact that we had a library card in 12^th grade when we had no library period and the fact that I used it never. I’m going to miss running to the staffroom because I had some work and then ending up with more work from other teachers. I’m going to miss our fire drill practices because that meant skipping a period and fortunately it would have been something we didn’t want to sit through. I’m going to miss coming up with a dance routine in 3 days time and then winning talents day/house day. I’m going to miss the horrible music they played every morning before the assembly. I would have gone on and on but that wouldn’t ever sum up how much I’m going to miss. This school has given us so much honestly and I am in no position to deny that. 

For my class (You guys should know I never go personal in my blogs and mentioning you guys here is probably the best gift you can ever receive!) I’m going to miss, Maria climbing on top of that desk everyday to switch on the projector. I’m to going to miss Sanshia’s pasta which I have fallen in love with. I’m going to miss having Stefin and Vinamrata sitting behind me for two years straight and using all those cheesy lines on one another. I’m going to miss having Trisha and Tiju sitting in front of me. I’m going to miss having Namrita, Kshiti, Parvathi & Tanya talk continuously throughout the day, it always go so annoying lol. I’m going to miss Abigail’s cosy hugs, Shefa and Jayasri sleeping throughout the assembly and few periods here and there. I’m going to miss Rakshanda and Aakansha’s lame jokes and Simran’s random laughing. I’m going to miss Aishu and her elli, Athulya. I’m going to miss Anusree jumping around the entire class! And to all those people I haven’t mentioned, I’m going to miss you too! Lakshmi, keep taking risks you’re going to prove to be a great entrepreneur some day. Pranita, do I need to even say anything? Two years of sitting with you and the drama was all worth it. (Call me though, I have no intention to make you cry, I love you!) 

  

To everyone in 12^th grade, people I spoke to, people I did not speak to, all of you are great in your own ways. Don’t let anyone bring you down. Push your limits and go beyond them, succeed with flying colors in all your future endeavors (Although I sound like an old lady, I really don’t care). In the words of the famous Steve Jobs, “Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Imagine.

Picture this; you come to know you’re diagnosed with cancer. Brutal lung cancer. You’re in the hospital room surrounded by white walls which you’re going to be seeing for the rest of your life now. You slowly realize that you are no more in the state of healthiness to complete your bucket list which is hidden in your closet drawer. You realize that you cannot live the life that you’ve thought about since you were three. The one in which you’re party rocking at some club in Ibiza, the one in which you’re running on the beach feeling the wind on your face instead while it’s all coming crashing down on you, you realize running? When is that ever going to happen again? Never, yes that’s the word. Everything that once bore the answer yes is replaced by the word no and never. How much it hurts only they’d know because we say we know the pain they’re going through but you and I both know that it’s only to console them.

It’s been some time now, you’re in your drawing room on the couch watching the models striking poses with their lovely hair, short, long, pink, yellow, brown, all sorts of hairstyles, all sorts of colors and how you wish you had hair to show off. You start feeling you’re the ugliest person to exist; no one would ever look at you. All I’m going to get is sympathy, something I despise. 

 It hurts to know that you are so different from the other teenagers when you don’t want to be. You want to partying, doing all the normal things everyone does. A pinch of pain in your muscles. Everything around you is sad, just sad.

Don’t know why I wrote this but it was inspired by a video I saw long ago and I really wanted to put it in words, do go through this video, it would take just a few minutes.

http://www.utrend.tv/v/one-second/

The Last Phase: Part one

I have this huge lump in my throat at this point of time, Facebook has this whole thing for a ‘life event’ and I think I’m going to enter my first one in the life events column. I’m probably going to be typing mixed up sentences but this occasion is really heartfelt, not only for me but all my school friends, everyone who just went through their last phase in schooling. I cannot get myself to believe I’m done with schooling, it’s like my relationship with my school has just come to an end in just one go. And now we enter the real world, where there wouldn’t be teachers to hold our hands and make us climb the rocky mountain but it’s going to be us all by ourselves in this cold and selfish world. 

This school has taught me a lot (I was kinda hoping for a question on what the school has taught me as a part of my viva for student of the year). It has taught me that success and failure is a part of our lives, winning isn’t everything and losing does not mean the world has come to an end. Neither success nor failure is permanent; both being short-lived should be cherished and then let gone off. It has taught me that criticism is healthy, accept it! Some people say it to drag you down the ladder but use it to climb higher from where you already are. I honestly dread getting up early in the morning for school, but I’m going to miss the school prayer, how can I forget that awful music they play in the morning before assembly begins? The national anthems we sang every Thursday, the school song, the pledge and all of those other things our assembly consists of. I’m going to miss preparing dances for talents day, house day and every other event. I remember how back in the junior grades all of us used to be like, last day in school and then end up in school for the next year but this time, we’re actually saying last day of school because it’s practically the last day in school, EVER. (Oh crap, words are stinging me.) I really believe that all of us are definitely student of the year! With the trophy or without. (This should have been in my speech...)

We’re all literally like a family, we know everything about each other even if we don’t talk to each other and still we’re there for each other. I’m going to miss random checking, I’m going to miss dancing and singing like a freaking maniac in the recess. I’m going to miss being on the lawns of IHS performing for republic day or putting up a stall. I’m going to miss going to the staff room for some work and then ending up with more work. I’m going to miss the three bells we hear after recess and still being outside class. I’m going to miss the canteen samosas, kachoris, pizza’s and chocolate milk. I’m going to miss asking for money to eat in the canteen from practically everyone outside the canteen. I’m going to miss fighting in class over the ridiculous things and the next day forgetting everything like nothing ever happened. I’m definitely going to miss teaching the class and making presentations and talking and then the teachers asking me to shut up, lol. Wow, that’s a lot. 

My lovely juniors did such a wonderful job on the farewell we had, everyone had tears that’s when I actually realized like realization dawned upon me, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I’M WEARING A SAREE! The last time I need to go shopping for a saree, the last time ever I’m going to be all decked up. They say nothing’s forever and it has been justified. In the last two years as the senior most students, I have learned so much. I just want everyone to know, never ever be upset over anything, it’s not worth it! Always be optimistic, if a situation seems to be the worse ever too, find the optimism in it, find the joy in it. I’m going to miss the bus parties, celebrating birthdays in school, the medical checkups, screaming in class when the nurse comes to call us for vaccinations.

A huge shout out to all my teachers, chachas, all the aunties, my supervisors throughout my school life, my teachers who have been the best, always so caring so supportive, always been so motivating, for never losing faith in me ever! And last but definitely not the least, my friends all of them, the ones who are still on bitter notes with me, the ones I do not talk to anymore, the ones I spend almost every day with, all of you guys are the best! I literally have no idea how to put in words how much all of this means to me.

This is probably just part one of this blog post, I’m going to have tons more to right about after convocation so until then…

Cycle of thoughts

There's more to it than what actually meets the eye, a sentence probably of least importance to many of us but so powerful in all it's words. What's meant to be, is meant to be but what isn't meant to be, wouldn't happen, irrespective of our thousand efforts. I'm probably not even talking to the point, what's all this jumbled sentences that don't even co relate to one another? Just my thoughts all in a confused state spinning in my head. (Lol?). Anyway getting back to what I was saying, sometimes you seek attention from the one you like/love, your family, but their just not giving you it. Oh you know, I'm telling you what's wrong, like putting it all in front of you, for you to open your God damn eyes and see, but you're just not taking it! What a feeling that is indeed. (Please note the horrible amount of sarcasm in the preceding sentence, thanks.)

Undoubtedly I use his platform to vent my mixed feelings. When you spend a lot of time with a person, you eventually can judge whether they're genuinely beautiful or not and by beautiful I do not mean looks. At that point of time, you know whether the person really is beautiful or not. There's more to the world than just looks, otherwise no one would give a single damn about losing faith in humanity now would they? There's more to life than mini skirts, getting drunk, partying, bitching, making fun of others, beauty pageants. Because when you grow old, your looks are going to disappear eventually (unless you get a plastic surgery done, then again there's recession).

Someone would be sitting and crying for you to notice them and you don't even know about it, but you the one whose crying is too scared to even let open your feelings. So what exactly are you crying for? Is it that person fault that he/she doesn't notice you? It isn't love, it isn't, the person doesn't even know you're wasting your time on them. A lot of people think I'm pretty jobless, as they put it, to sit and construct a blog post, I for a matter of fact get that quite a lot, but not like it's affecting their lives is it? I'm not wasting your time, I'm wasting my own time. You probably make fun of what I write, think it's not worth your time to sit around and read a bunch of crap sentences, so don't. Am I forcefully asking you to do so?

And I would like to close by quoting something that will always remain with me, as John Green put it in his book 'Looking For Alaska'. "What is an "instant" death anyway? How long is an instant? Is it one second? Ten? The pain of those seconds must have been awful as her heart burst and her lungs collapsed and there was no air and no blood to her brain and only raw panic. What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding an hour. I doubt that an instant of blinding pain feels particularly instantaneous.” Does not relate to anything I've said about, but definitely has a lot of significance.

Stupidity.

Been long since I wrote something….

How is it that people are SO concerned about other people’s life, I mean why do you care about what’s happening in someone else’s life, why can you not just take care of your own shit for once. Sometimes people say things they don’t mean and sometimes they say thing that can really affect another person. Have you ever been through such a time where you feel so broken, so broken that you really don’t know what to do anymore? You know, that time when you’re telling yourself it’s going to be okay, it’s going to come to an end soon, the bad times that is, but you’re really unsure about when that time is going to come and that’s when you don’t know what to do. You’re surrounded by a lot of good people, good friends, a wonderful family, you want to communicate, let it all out but you don’t know how to. It’s like you’re in a freaking invisible box, no one else can see it, except for you and thus you cannot even ask for help. It’s similar to people who don’t know how to swim, you’re drowning, there is absolutely no one in the water except for you and it’s isolated, what to do? Can you ask for help? Screaming your lungs out to a place where there is no one is possibly the only thing you’re doing, but is it getting you somewhere? Is it creating a difference? No, not at all. 

Sometimes I wonder to myself, how is it that people can be so mean, so harsh. They don’t even think before speaking and then I tell myself, at one point of time, all this that you’re going through because of someone else, will come crashing down on them too, karma at its finest eh?

No one in this world is brave. No one in this world has the courage to speak the truth on other people’s face and thus they use anonymous questions and answer platforms to speak the harsh things, but while doing all of this my friend, do you realize HOW MUCH you’re hurting someone? I keep telling myself or rather everyone around me, be strong! Do not care about what other people say, people are going to talk. All that matters is what your closed ones think about you, but honestly who listens? I’m such a hypocrite myself, I tell other people to be strong, am I doing the same thing? I know my answer. We’re all hypocrites honestly, giving other people such damn good advice, but when it comes to following it ourselves, we never stick to our words (Get some fevicol in here, would you?)

Please excuse me for typos, thanks.